March 30, 2010, The Tough Stuff

Mr. B was a gentle man and when I sat down in his clean, but plain office. I knew that it was time to close the door on Robin and I for good. I thought I would be scared. Instead I was relieved. All the other times that I exerted my independence were nothing compared to this day. Today, I took control of my future.

As I sat down, I felt my heart race. Was I really done. Could I ever look at Robin again without feeling let down, and broken. How is it possible that I could have put up with so much and not come sooner. I had prayed, hoped upon hope, that this day would end and I would not cry anymore.

Lucky for me, that is what happened. I told my story and as we speak, the documents are being drafted. By the end of next week, Robin will be served.

Did I have it in me to go through with it? After all, I loved him. But could I take one more ride on the roller coaster; the same coaster that I have been on ride after ride, always leading to a broken heart and a beaten spirit.

No. This time it would be different. This time, I would cry and cry but I would eventually find myself in a new life. A safe life.

I walked out of Mr. B's door somewhat relieved. I had made the decision and now the hard part was over. Day by day I would remember, but day by day I would become stronger.