Closure

Getting closure from someone who has NPD and BPD is the next best thing to impossible.  You have to ask yourself what does closure look like?  What is it that you need?  Is it validation or awareness or could it be that you are wanting to get back together again and you are trying to leave a window open?  What do you want or need?  What unmet needs are being ignored?  How is it possible to satisfy these needs in a healthy and productive way?

When you are dealing with an NPD/BPD, they see things only from their point of view. They can't look at the relationship in a healthy way because they are missing a part of their brain that has empathy.  They find themselves uncomfortable and they squirm when you are trying to speak to them.  The difficulty in this is that the person who does not have a personality disorder can't relate.  The project becomes difficult as the narcissistic source is replaced.  When the narcissist has replaced you there is  little chance that you will get through to them. You will likely continue to go unheard.

It is about crazy making .  A narcissist is a crazy maker.  There worse fears are projected on you and they cannot bear the thought of being less than perfect.  So, how can you compete with that? Sadly you can't.  You will want revenge. You will want to do something or say something to hurt them.  You have already caused Narcisistic Injury by approaching them in the first place.This injury is so deep that the person almost puts themselves in a torture box, that you will never be able to penetrate.  They are in a state of mental prison and your asking them to validate the black coffin can't come with words.  the words are simply not there and the burden of relieve must come from within yourself.

The most difficult part for me is looking into his eyes.  They used to be so loving but now they look like those of a scared puma.  They are ready to hurt you but they are also blank and there is nothing behind them.  It is a haunting  experience because while you were with your partner, the eyes gave you the love that you wanted to see so badly. Even if it wasn't real.  I do believe that narcissists love as deeply as they can but that love is easily replaced once they are faced with a less than perfect ideal.

How do you get closure?  You have to find it from within.