And there it is.

Never offer a person with BPD an olive branch.  Their communication field is way out of wack.  Their perception is confusing and you think that everything is fine - then wham.  They come back at you with resentment and anger and they just don't see their contribution to the problem.  They are perpetual victims, "just trying to get through". There wrath or hurt or anxiety or frustration has no bearing on you.  You have no idea what is going on in their heads. They have no idea what is going on in their heads. They see themselves as golden.  They offer so much, martyr so much and are complete lucid and without rational acceptance.

Robin was abusive - I left - he feels he was taken advantage of entirely.  He is the one who had to put up with so much of me. He is angered that I put him in the position - he is frustrated that I am actually asking him to sign the paper work.  Yes, I instigated the separation.  Yes, he needed to create agreement. I broke the agreement because I filed before he was ready.  I did what all people do - I abandoned him. That wasn't the deal. 

I am the one who is taking advantage of him.  I am the one who has stolen his money, his time, his hours and hours of labor to support my parasitic needs while he toils hour upon hour.  As always, it is more than my dilemma that is on his pallet.  There is the tax man, the WCB man and the others who take away his spirit.

I can't help but feel sorry for him.  It never comes one at a time - always in bulk like Costco almonds. 





Today the Realtor came and put a sign on my lawn.  I experienced some of the deepest pain I could have ever felt.  Robin is punch drunk and he will be for a while.  Contrary to his thoughts, I have nothing but compassion for him.  He can't cope and as usual is spiraling out of emotional control.  He needs a fix but he can't get it. 

I feel compassion, sorrow for him, and even pity.  It bothers me to see him so low.  I don't wish that on anyone.  I don't know how to address it and it is better that I don't. 

I dunno what this life holds - but I hate to think that I caused someone pain.  But be clear - I did my best in the relationship and I couldn't have done any more. 

This man needs help. Tonight - as all the nights I shared my life with him - I pray for him to receive it.