One of them there days

I remember when I was marvelous! Wish it were today.  Part of the process of a split, any split, is the mourning process - the bargaining part. The part where you know that what you want is poison, but you are willing to dance with the devil, for a weee shot of the good stuff. The stuff, that made you think that marriage would be happily ever after, blissful and all too sublime.  When you say goodbye, you don't get to dream about those days anymore.  The wistfulness is gone. The deep, penetrating eye lock, the one that eats at your very core with a wanting that can't be explained.  I miss that.  That - and the touch.  The solid hand on my back, leading me into the direction he wants to take me and the openness of that chance.  We would become best friends. So ten years later, memories upon memories. Good and bad.........

 My best friend called today to put me in perspective.  Thank God for best friends.  But in spite, and despite all her words, all the recollections and reminders of why I left - I still have a hole in my heart. I love you Robin. I can't tell you - it will mess up the divorce. I don't want to be BPD hoovered. Nope. But, it does not stop me from loving you or missing you - sometimes desperately. 

Just one of those days.